Making the Band

Guns N’ Roses and The Red Hot Chili Peppers were without a doubt two of the biggest bands ever. They are still influencing music today. With that said -WTF!? Seriously, what the fuck was going on? These musicians went far beyond strange. Guns N’ Roses pumped out hits throughout the 80’s and the 90’s. Axl Rose was on top of the world. My question is, WHY? I can only imagine the auditions for Guns N’ Roses. Slash was not an original member of GNR but he did take over lead guitar shortly after formation. Slash is a real guitar hero! That man can play. What is with the clown hair and the top hat though? Some people have their trademark, but couldn’t he have picked something a little more subtle? The rest of the band members were dependant on drugs and they most certainly looked it. They may have been on drugs but they could play really well. Now imagine this scenario: Slash: “Hey I can shred gnarly sounds on my guitar! I’ve got some mean riffs” Izzy: “I can play the shit outta my guitar too man!” Steven Adler: “I can rock out on my drums Dudes! Far Out! Ha, I’m so high” Sorry, anyway and then all of a sudden Axl Rose walks in! Axl is wearing a little league chest protector, a flannel 3 sizes too big, jean cut-off shorts complete with knee pads he is also sporting a bandana covering the top portion of his long greasy hair. The band is hyped to find out what Axl Rose has to offer to the band. Axl is like “You fuckers want a sample of my shit?” “You got it!!” Axl begins swaying back and forth like a mad man and he grabs the microphone and belts out a high pitched stutter of the word “knees.” “Kn-n-n-n-Knees knees, I wanna make you bleed! UUUGH!” The band is speechless. After they take a moment to absorb what happened they say “Man that is awesome, let’s fuckin rock out!” This is at least how I picture it anyway.

Now how about RHCP? The Red Hot Chili Peppers have had their share of hits and continue to produce chart toppers. I have a feeling that this audition was a bit similar to that of GNR’s. Anthony Kiedis may look like a normal man but I assure you that he is not. Flea is crazy and also looks crazy. Every member of Red Hot Chili Peppers has been interestingly strange and addicted to drugs. Okay, this is how I imagine the audition. Anthony Kiedis shows up to meet the rest of the band. Anthony: “Hey guys, are you ready to play some music?” RHCP: “Yeah, but we are missing a member, where is Flea?” Anthony turns around and shows the band his backpack. “Open it” he says “but be careful!” Guitarist, John Frusciante opens the bag and out pops the head of Bassist, Flea. Flea hops out of the bag, freaking out like he just consumed an entire six pack of Jolt Cola and a half a bag of crack (which he probably did). The band begins to play and all of a sudden Anthony Kiedis begins to mumble and make chewing noises. The band stops “Are you okay dude?” Anthony responds “Why did you stop? We were on a roll” RHCP: “It sounded like you forgot the words and just started makin shit up.” Anthony: “Not at all guys, that was fully intentional.” They started playing again and Kiedis began listing geographical locations “California I’ve gone to Dakota this lady once met me in Georgia but that’s why I’m goin to New York now, ying nog ying yong chong nong nong na nong!” After the band finishes playing they address Anthony again. RHCP: “Dude, I gotta tell you, that shit is brilliant. Love it! Let’s Rock”

Once again, this is how I picture it happening. Don’t like it? Tell me what you think happened!